What to Do if You Overthink Everything (and Can’t Turn Your Mind Off)
Many of us are wired to replay memories from the past or think about possible future scenarios over and over again.
Our brains can get stuck in loops replaying conversations, overanalyzing what we said or did, and mentally preparing for every possible future outcome. I think this is often our brains are trying to help us prepare for future and learn from past experiences, even when it ends up hurting more than it helps.
Overthinking can take a lot of time and energy. And, you may have noticed if you try hard to force yourself not to think about these patterns, the worse the thought spiral becomes.
Why Trying to Stop Thoughts Often Backfires
Forcing thoughts away might work at times, though not always.
You may have heard of the “pink elephant paradox.” This theory suggests that the more someone tries to suppress a thought or emotion, the more intensely they experience those thoughts and feelings. This is sometimes used in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to demonstrate how difficult it is to suppress thoughts.
Try it out. Don’t think about pink elephants for the next 30 seconds.
Anything but pink elephants.
What happened? How many times did you think about pink elephants in the last 30 seconds?
For many people, the harder they try not to think about pink elephants, the more their mind keeps bringing them up.
Our minds tend to work the same way with anxiety, overthinking, and intrusive thoughts. The more we try to suppress certain thoughts or feelings, the more attention the brain gives them. You might notice that you’re not only feeling anxious and thinking about worst case scenarios, but you are you are anxious about feeling anxious and having these thoughts.
If you have experienced this, lets explore some alternative approaches that can help with managing overthinking. We might not be able to stop these thoughts and feelings from occurring, but rather can change the way we relate to them to reduce the intensity and impact.
Changing Your Relationship to Thoughts
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) takes a slightly different approach than trying to “turn off” overthinking.
Instead of struggling against your thoughts, the goal is to change your relationship to them.
One way to think about this is the “tug-of-war with a monster” metaphor, sometimes called dropping the rope.
Imagine you are in a tug-of-war with a large monster. On the other side is your overthinking, anxiety, or intrusive thoughts. Your instinct is to pull against this monster to defeat it. But the more you pull, the more exhausted you become and continue to struggle.
Now imagine that instead of pulling harder, you simply drop the rope.
The monster is still there. The thoughts might still show up. But you are no longer in a constant struggle with them.
In ACT, acceptance does not mean you are “giving up” or have to like or agree with your thoughts. It means making space for them to be present without getting pulled into a fight with them, so you can focus your attention elsewhere to what really matters.
Noticing Thoughts Instead Believing Them
Another helpful ACT approach is called cognitive defusion, which is a way of creating distance between you and your thoughts.
It can be easy to believe all our thoughts as truth especially when we are overthinking, such as:
“Something is wrong with me.”
“They probably think I am stupid.”
“I can’t get through this.”
One way to practice cognitive defusion is by stepping back and noticing those thoughts as just thoughts, by saying:
“I’m having the thought that something is wrong with me.”
“I’m noticing my mind is telling me they probably think I am stupid..”
“My brain is having the thought that I can’t get through this.”
Feel free to try this out with some of your own thoughts. You might notice it softens the effect those thoughts have on you and feels like it gives them less weight. Overtime, this can make it easier to notice your thoughts without getting sucked into overthinking.
Thoughts are not facts. They are simply thoughts.
Working With Anxiety and Overthinking in Therapy
If you are stuck overthinking, worrying, and navigating patterns of avoidance, counseling can support you in changing how you respond to get unstuck. I use approaches like ACT and EMDR to help clients learn to relate differently to their thoughts, feelings, and memories.
I also often work with people who have a lot on their minds and don’t seem to have an outlet to process and untangle their thoughts and feelings without feeling judged. Therapy provides a unique and confidential space to work through challenges like these with a neutral third party.
If you’re looking for support, I offer online therapy for clients in Oregon.